Life Line

    
There are times when this stress hits you so hard that youhave made a conscious decision to build a wall against it. The stress can be aphysical flare, unmanageable pain or the life crap that has a habit ofhappening without your consent. For me right now, it is the life crap. There isa lot of it and I feel drained and angry. I have ideas for posts, but thethought of writing them is almost nauseating. I’ve forced myself to sit infront of my computer with a blank document and Dragon on and nothing has come,except the overwhelming need to walk away. From the computer, from everything Ido, from my life, if only for a little while. More than anything, I want twomonths off. To rest, to write, to centre myself and to not think about theShoulds.


And although I did buy my lottery tickets today, the chancesof that happening are about the same as a rasher of bacon on the hoof flyingpast my fifth floor window.
So. The wall. Or perhaps it is not so much a wall, as thedecision to focus on another facet. Instead of looking at the anger, thefrustration and the pressure, to make that conscious choice to look for joy. Toseek out beauty, a burst of laughter and to rest in a sense of peace, even ifit's only for a moment.
To that end, I declare this blog a positive space only forthe remainder of September. Maybe even longer. Barriers to accessibility,boneheaded politicians and other irritants will still be there, but I willchoose to not deal with them. Instead of handing over my energy to people who willnot be careful with it - and the news is not known for being careful with ourtender hearts - I will isolate myself in a bubble and begin to fill it withjoy.
Today's moment of joy was all because of Laurie. Swingingthrough Toronto en route to whatsounds like a blissful retreat from the world, she allowed me to rant on aboutall the things that stress me out. She absorbed so much of what has pummeled mefor rather a long time that I came out on the other side a little. Enough torealize I'm drowning and need to save myself.
The first tool is to practice finding something beautiful orjoyful every day. Today, it is the gratitude I feel to my friend for remindingme that I know the way out of this.